How to Move On When Your Career Stalls Out...

She'd been hesitant and tentative throughout most of the coaching session. When I asked her to define where she wanted her career to go, tears bubbled up and over as she sobbed, "I’m just a nobody since I moved here. There's no where for me to go because I don't matter any more.”

As with so many business people, this middle-aged woman's personal identity had been firmly linked to her job. When the title and position power were gone, so was her sense of self-worth and self-confidence. Eighty-hour work weeks hadn't left much time for her to have outside activities or to develop friendships that could fill the purpose gap left by the loss of her job. That was a gap I knew too well not so long ago.

I shared with her it had taken me a long time to understand my job was what I did, not who I was; and that everyone was a someone with value no matter whether they held a paying job or not. Because she was accustomed to working with "to do" lists, together we crafted ten things for her to do to rebuild her self-esteem and confidence.

1) Tell yourself every day you ARE a somebody. You're simply a somebody who's looking for a job. A somebody with knowledge, skills, and abilities. A somebody people love and one who loves in return. Drawing a paycheck doesn't guarantee that you matter or make a difference.

2) Share your time and knowledge. The community is full of nonprofit organizations and other groups in need your experience, your guidance, your help. You regain your sense of personal worth by making a contribution while the organization benefits from your help. Giving back is a great way to meet new people, build new connections and confirm the positive benefits you offer.

3) Get a business card. Who says you must be receiving a paycheck to qualify to have a business card? Be like Nike and just do it. Share your card often, and do so proudly. Don't dare apologize there's no big-name or address on it!

4) Tell your inner critic to take a hike. Every time that shrewish little voice tries to remind you that you're a nobody, turn off the volume. Focus instead on your past contributions and how a future organization will benefit from you working for them. It’s up to you how much power you give to your inner critic: make it a teeny-tiny amount instead of free rein.

5) Be your own boss. Start your own business as you look for another job. It's another way to keep your skills fresh as well as to meet other other. Plus, freelancing lets you be the CEO of you. How's that for a liberating thought?!

6) Know when to get professional help. If the mental and emotional scabs from the loss of your job don’t heal or you can't control the inner critic, reach out to a pro. Doing so is a sign of strength, not weakness; don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise.

7) Network your buns off. Brand yourself. Start making new contacts. There's a huge community of interest out there. Find it. Build new relationships. Make new contacts who can help you personally and professionally. There are lots of warm, wonderful, and knowledgeable people who have lots to share. Start getting to know them.

8) Embrace the past as a wonderful memory... Just don't live there. Don't make it a shrine. Gather learnings and inspiration for your future. Learn and move on.
 

9) Play. Do it like you did when you were six and full of reckless abandon and joy. Go to the park, the beach. Let ice cream dribble down your chin. Get dirty. Giggle like a fool. Wear polka dots. Use a pen with purple ink. Dare you skip down a city block.

10) Make friends with yourself. Quit looking externally for affirmation because you're unlikely to find it. Love yourself. Lots disappointment and doubt will go away once you start loving you for you. Make it so.

Click your heels and repeat after me, you ARE a somebody, today and everyday.