"I'm Just Being Real..."

Graham was upset with his team’s monthly business results, and his withering criticism of their performance during the staff meeting had brought a stunned hush to the room. Not one of the 10 people sitting around the table had been exempt from having their deficiencies cruelly described and even mocked during the meeting. As he strode from the room, Graham mentally congratulated himself for telling it like it was. He prided himself on being authentic.

Have you ever worked for a boss like Graham? One who confused realness with rudeness?

The word authenticity has its roots in the Greek philosophy of “to thine own self be true,” a foundational practice for good leadership. Research shows that authenticity is a quality that others must attribute to you,  because it is relational.

Authenticity doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It requires you to be self-aware, and be able to self-regulate and self-discipline. Under the guise of being genuine, don’t blurt out your first unfiltered thoughts. Transparency can come with tact.

3 Ways to Be Real Without Being Rude

1. Be candid without being insensitive. Providing forthright feedback is critical for career development, yet you don't have to shred another’s self-confidence when doing so. While you may think what someone did was stupid and laughable, describing their actions as such only makes others defensive. When they become defensive, they close off, thinking you’re a jerk instead of focusing on what changes they need to make. Authentic leaders speak their truth yet deliver constructive, concise, and compassionate feedback that leaves self-respect intact.

2. Have a strong opinion without being judgmental and unyielding. Nowhere is it written that others must perpetually agree with your point of view. Others seeing things differently than you do doesn’t make them wrong. Before you categorize someone as being difficult, determine if they might not be thinking the same about you. Authentic leaders practice Rule #6 of Ben Zander’s The Art of Possibility: Don’t take yourself so seriously. They don’t use authenticity as a mask for rigidity.

3. Be true to your nature without closing off possibilities. We all have a default setting where we feel most comfortable. Yet using that “take me as I am” mindset limits creativity, innovation, and communication; plus it breeds arrogance, fosters stereotypes, and perpetuates biases. Many options were open to Graham for sharing his performance concerns with his team without publicly belittling them. Tactfully voicing his disappointment, expressing his desire for better results, and inviting input would have yielded a more productive outcome.

Layering in thoughtfulness when dealing with others doesn’t make you inauthentic. Rather, it shows strength of character and demonstrates real self-control in leading yourself so you can lead others.

What say you?

Image credit: DM Sales Solutions